Drunken Owls and Other Delights

It may have been a very weird and stressful couple of weeks at the Day Job for me, and there may have been a few very low points of self-doubt where I felt like I was digging myself deeper, but thankfully those have been balanced out by much higher points of creativity and calm. I will soldier on one way or another, and I still have my writing to keep me centered. I've learned from past experience when I feel like I'm about to spiral into constant frustration and/or anxiety and know well enough to retreat to safer mental ground. 

So where do I stand right now, creativewise? I'm doing pretty good with Theadia, though I do seem to be piling up the multiple 'WRITE THIS LATER' chapters and scenes that I'll need to work on. I don't do that very often, but then again this book isn't quite like the others I've written, and like Diwa & Kaffi, I'd like to get it right the first time. I'm also tentatively restarting the 750 Words sessions, though I've already missed a few this month due to prior plans and/or personal stuff going on. I'm not too worried about that, however, as I figure this will be a trial restart this month, just to get back into the habit and to get it up and running again.

Other than that, I've just been very tired from the Day Job nonsense and and ongoing strain in my left elbow for some reason (though I'm sure that's just from overuse and bad posture). I'm going to take the few days I have of this week and relax physically and mentally because I think I need it right now.

I have today off so this morning I headed over to Kaiser and got my combo flu and Covid shots. I figured I'd get it out of the way early this year so I don't need to worry about it! I've always had a bit of a bad habit of putting things off (not a terrible habit, just one that I've used more often than I'd like and mostly out of laziness and/or distraction), so lately I've been making sure I'm a bit more aware of it. 

Speaking of fixing habits, I'm still trying to get myself back into the daily writing thing -- I mean, other than working on my current revision projects. I really should go back to the journaling, at least. Doing that often got me into the mindset for writing each day, not to mention it being a bit of therapy to get my thoughts in order and lighten the mental or emotional burden.

Still, the only downside to wanting to do that is the near-inability to do that during work hours. I just do not have enough downtime, unless I take major steps to work on such things outside of the store. I mean, I'd really like to return to sketching out ideas during quiet moments on scratch paper, but there's more to it than just that -- I've also got to unf*ck my other terrible habit of Overthinking My Notes. I don't even remember where or when that started (I'm thinking it was at some point around the end of my time at the bank). And that's been a hard one to break.

Maybe what I need is a main focus. Decide on one specific project to work on and filter all my creative thoughts while I'm at work towards that one point.

Something to think about, anyway.

Good question, considering I've had the last several days off! It feels weird having this many off in a row, but I've been keeping busy-ish. I've gotten a lot of house cleaning done! I still have a few things to do here and there, but the laundry is finished, dusting and swiffering have been done, groceries have been purchased, the garden has been watered, and the cats have been given more than enough attention throughout the day. I've also gotten a significant amount of revision done for this go-round for Theadia, which includes making much more detailed notes in the few "write this later" chapters I need to insert!

Mind you, I have most of next week off as well (this time on purpose, we're taking a few personal days off), so it feels kind of weird to not be at work so much. I'm pretty sure I'll be exhausted again once I'm back to full time hours again.

 I'm kind of in an interstitial space right now creatively, I think. I've mentioned before that I've stopped performing a lot of the habits I'd had over the last several years in Spare Oom -- the whiteboard schedule, the logging of the word count, writing at 750Words, and so on. The main reason I stopped is that I wanted a fresh start here at the New Digs. For the most part it's been a positive choice as I haven't felt the stress of not hitting scheduled goals. It's helped me focus on current projects with more clarity.

Not that I'm complaining, however. I like being here at this time, because it means that I'm breaking away from old habits and yet to forge new ones. I'm allowing myself to try new things and approach current projects in a slightly different way. Perhaps this is why I'm also allowing myself to indulge in a wave of comic reading on Hoopla these last several weeks...I get to try something new, see what inspires me.

I suppose if this stage is anything like the one I had during the Belfry Years, this will (hopefully) mean that a lot of positive creativity will come out of it.

Woohoo! I'm finally DONE with the remastering work for A Division of Souls (that is until I do one last reread, heh), so now I can shift all my creative focus back on Theadia! I'm looking forward to starting in on it again, especially now that I have a clearer head and a few really good ideas on how to rework it into the style I want. I've given myself until late 2026 to finish it, so I've got a year and change to make it happen. I'm pretty sure I can do it, considering these days the first drafts of my novels take maybe a few months at most. [It's still kind of weird to say that. Each book in the original trilogy took about a year, while In My Blue World took three months.] 

Whether or not this one will expand into a duology or just be a very long single volume, we shall see...

Lately I've been feeling, well...not distracted, but not necessarily overwhelmed either. Despite all the political fuckery going on (and boy howdy do I have thoughts on that), I've been trying my best to approach all that in a different way. It certainly does bother me, and not a day goes by when I don't mutter some version of goddamn I really fucking hate conservatives right now under my breath, but I'm trying to get out of a very longstanding and extremely unhealthy habit of emotionally reacting to it with undirected dread and anxiety. I'm accepting that it's there and it's happening, I'm just trying not to spiral like I used to.

But it's not really all that, either. Part of it might be that I'm still getting used to living in our New Digs and getting used to not being at the old place anymore, but I think most of it lately has been on the creative end of things.

It's not that I don't want to work on this Trilogy Remaster -- I've been wanting to do it for a good couple of years, to be honest -- but more that I feel like I haven't been completely honest with my writing career these last few years. Like I could -- like I should be dedicating more time and energy to it than I have. Granted, I'm getting older and I can't really stay up until 2am doing five hour marathon sessions like I used to, especially since I have early morning Day Job hours. But I just feel like it's been ages since I've taken it as seriously as I used to. Phoning it in sometimes, doing the bare minimum, throwing my books out there with zero follow-up.

So what's the plan, then?

That's a good question indeed. The plan is something I think I'll need to work on over the next few weeks or so.

...until we officially move into our new place! I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. It's not helping that I feel like I've been putting off all the packing even though I've done quite a large amount of it (and tossing/donating) already. It's also not helping that the Day Job has had some of its busiest days in months these last couple of weeks. I'm deliberately running on half-speed to conserve energy -- I'm not as fast at work so I can keep some of that oomph to move boxes and bins over to the new place.

We've also been doing a lot of shopping lately, buying stuff for the new place. We've even gotten ourselves a membership to Costco after all these years! Not that we're about to buy Armageddon Preparation Size boxes of cereal mind you, just looking for good deals on things we frequently use and need like household stuff. We're also buying things other than bookshelves (heh) at Ikea for storage modules we will need. We're trying not to go overboard considering we're moving into a slightly smaller space and there's only so much space for storage, but being smart about the space we do have is important. I will be heading to said Costco later today to pick up some storage shelves for the garage.

And INTERNETS! As of yesterday we are all wired up at the new place so that's one more thing to cross off our to-do list. Yay!

I am a little worried about some of the stuff we're getting rid of, though I'm hoping that won't be too much of a problem. We'll be getting rid of our old Dyson vacuum cleaner which we've had for almost 20 years that STILL runs perfectly (not bad for a refurb at that) which I'm sure a neighbor will yoink. The living room couch is going to be tricky, though. It's the one we bought from Home Reserve, known for their really good durable furniture that comes in boxes that you put together yourselves. I want to see if one of our neighbors wants it first before I put it up on FB Marketplace. I'd rather someone take it because aside from a bit of wear and sun fade, it's still in great condition, but if we have to toss it, at least it's gotten sixteen years of use!

I'll be honest, what's bothering me the most is that I'm barely getting any writing work done. I'd packed all my notebooks and brought them over to the new place so I haven't done any journaling in ages. I might squeeze in a few pages of revision and editing on the trilogy remaster, but that's about it. I just haven't had the time. I'd expected this and I'm using the time as a bit of a vacation from all that, but I am SO itching to get back to it once we've moved.

On that note, I have today and tomorrow off and I'd better get moving. Still using pockets of time to rest and relax, but I still have a lot to do.

Not me, actually, but work. The big Valentine's Day holiday rush is now over, and there really isn't another big one coming until Easter in April, so it's going to be a slower couple of months at the day job. This also means I'll be working more like 32-36 hours instead of a full forty, which on the one hand kind of sucks pay-wise but gives me a bit of a respite and refocus on what I need focusing on.

And speaking of which, I've finally started playing daily rounds of Squaredle on my phone. I've been meaning to do that for a while, but this seemed like a perfect time to follow through with the plan. It keeps me from passively doomscrolling on social media for one, which is a big plus. But I've always loved a good word search game (I've also got a few Penny's Finest word seek magazines on my desk for funsies) and this is a phone game that's not timed or ridiculously hard to the point of frustration. The games at the beginning of the week are relatively easy but get harder as the week goes on, but I'm enjoying it.

In the process this is keeping my head clearer when it's time to sit down and start my writing sessions. It's good to be focusing on the Trilogy remaster of course, but I seem to have finally realigned myself to the point where it's a lot easier to focus because of my Squaredle games. I suppose in a way this is the same thing as my pre-writing FreeCell games back in the Belfry days, but I'm not going to complain. Whatever works and gets me moving, right?

Now if I can only get myself to start exercising more again...

I very rarely work on Sundays, and when I do it's usually because our head bookkeeper took the day off and I'm pretty much the only one to take his place. Today was such a case, meaning my weekend will be tomorrow and Tuesday instead. Thankfully the last few post-Valentines shifts have been extremely laid back and uneventful (and fully-staffed!) to the point where I could do what needs doing, take my own time doing it, and not have to worry about doing five other equally important things at the same time.

Unfortunately I haven't quite been on top of my writing schedule these last couple of weeks. Some of it is due to my work schedule, but a lot of it still boils down to distraction. I'm definitely on track for the Trilogy Remaster work, but I feel I could better utilize my time elsewhere as well. I'd rather not keep Theadia sitting there doing nothing. So again -- I need to readjust my time. I'll admit it didn't help that I had that neck pain followed immediately by a week's worth of head cold, but now that I've gotten past both I think I'm more than able to do so.

So what am I doing the next couple of days, aside from the writing? Not much other than laundry and relaxing. After six straight days of the Day Job I need the break!