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Unplugged and Unmoored
Aug. 9th, 2020 04:38 pmI suppose I could do the "wait, it's August already?" comment, but I'm sure everyone's at that level right now. This year's been quite the trip on multiple levels. Right now I'm using the phrase everyone else is using nowadays: It is what it is.
A and I were having a good laugh about the latest string of thinkpieces about generational ennui and frustration, and with us both being firmly in the Gen-X sector, we know from "oh well, just another one of life's shitty surprises, not much we can do about it except make it work somehow." Wearing masks outside for extended periods of time is like wearing knit hats and scarves during negative-temperature winter weather back east. It's not so much a pain in the ass as it is just another random necessity to keep us alive and breathing is all. Whatevs. We're both a bit exhausted from the current manufactured drama and people's inability to have to fly life solo without a social life for a bit, I suppose.
It's been a weird summer for me, not just being unemployed but actually having the long-sought-after time to get my head in a better place without outside stress. I do feel a bit unmoored, but in a good way. Any choices I make now aren't tied in with anything in the past, and I think that's a first for me. I'm not used to having stable mental and emotional ground to that degree. Whatever comes next sets the course for my future.
It's also given me time to think more seriously about my writing. I'd been longhanding some new words for the fourth Mendaihu Universe book, but I've decided to scrap them because they're just not going anywhere. I mean, I've done that numerous times before, but I have to say this is the first time I've done it without it being followed up by waves of frustration and stress that I've wasted all that time for nothing. It feels alien, but at the same time it's like this is what it's supposed to feel like, without every other life stress hanging over me. I've decided to revert back to an earlier version from 2015 (also longhand, which I've already transcribed) and go from there. And this morning I had some lovely moments of realization for Diwa & Kaffi that will make it even better. And earlier this afternoon, while on a walk with A, pondering my writing long game, in which I think I may have figured out what my niche can and should be for future projects.
(See, this is why I complain so bitterly about why creative jobs and outlets are so often seen as frivolous, especially compared to the often-religiously manic levels of sports obsession. But that's another post.)
I do need to find another job soon, though. It's been a slog and it's been a bit frustrating, especially since I'm purposely not looking outside of the city...but it is what it is.
A and I were having a good laugh about the latest string of thinkpieces about generational ennui and frustration, and with us both being firmly in the Gen-X sector, we know from "oh well, just another one of life's shitty surprises, not much we can do about it except make it work somehow." Wearing masks outside for extended periods of time is like wearing knit hats and scarves during negative-temperature winter weather back east. It's not so much a pain in the ass as it is just another random necessity to keep us alive and breathing is all. Whatevs. We're both a bit exhausted from the current manufactured drama and people's inability to have to fly life solo without a social life for a bit, I suppose.
It's been a weird summer for me, not just being unemployed but actually having the long-sought-after time to get my head in a better place without outside stress. I do feel a bit unmoored, but in a good way. Any choices I make now aren't tied in with anything in the past, and I think that's a first for me. I'm not used to having stable mental and emotional ground to that degree. Whatever comes next sets the course for my future.
It's also given me time to think more seriously about my writing. I'd been longhanding some new words for the fourth Mendaihu Universe book, but I've decided to scrap them because they're just not going anywhere. I mean, I've done that numerous times before, but I have to say this is the first time I've done it without it being followed up by waves of frustration and stress that I've wasted all that time for nothing. It feels alien, but at the same time it's like this is what it's supposed to feel like, without every other life stress hanging over me. I've decided to revert back to an earlier version from 2015 (also longhand, which I've already transcribed) and go from there. And this morning I had some lovely moments of realization for Diwa & Kaffi that will make it even better. And earlier this afternoon, while on a walk with A, pondering my writing long game, in which I think I may have figured out what my niche can and should be for future projects.
(See, this is why I complain so bitterly about why creative jobs and outlets are so often seen as frivolous, especially compared to the often-religiously manic levels of sports obsession. But that's another post.)
I do need to find another job soon, though. It's been a slog and it's been a bit frustrating, especially since I'm purposely not looking outside of the city...but it is what it is.
