Drunken Owls and Other Delights

I've been wavering on the WordPress blogs lately. I still want to write them, but I've been a bit lacking in ideas lately. In the past, I'd have pushed through and eventually come up with something, but that can be really exhausting and time-consuming. And because of that, I've been leaning more towards just doing a fly-by or just skipping it entirely for a week or two. I don't feel too guilty about it because quite a few of the webcomic artists I follow have been doing the same as of late. Between creative work and real life stuff, especially this time of year, it's kind of par for the course to take a month or so of a hiatus to recharge, refuel, and catch up.

I've also been focusing almost all my creative juices on finishing Queen Ophelia and the Theadia rewrite. I'm getting really good vibes from both of them, which makes me very happy. I'm hoping that once they're done and cleaned up and ready to go, they'll be the best work I've done so far.

Which, by the way...whatever happened to Diwa & Kaffi? Good question. I think I need to revisit it. Not because I'm not happy with it -- I certainly am -- but I've been away from it long enough that I think giving it another once-over might help me decide what to do with it. I'm definitely going to sell it as a Young Adult/New Adult (NA = juniors/seniors/college kids) so if it needs just that little bit more work, then I'll know what to do.

Meanwhile...another wave of job searching coming through again. And yes, I have even looked into local grocery stores. Whatever works and gets extra money in our accounts, yeah?

...and as always, I'm keeping busy. I did our grocery shopping this morning, surprised that there was nary a line outside waiting to get in this time out (plus they weren't low on certain stock), so we're good there for a bit. And I've been told by A that we're doing the Tomatero farm box again this week so we should be all full up with greens and veg for a good while! 

As for the job search, I'll be having that phone interview/chat with the place I cold-emailed tomorrow afternoon! I'm putting a lot of bets on this one as I REALLY want this job. It's hard to say why at the moment other than what I'd said earlier -- I really connected with the vibe and it's related to a creative field (and yeah, the fact that it's remote doesn't hurt either!). I'm mentally preparing myself for it, as I think I may have been a bit too nervous and rambley last time out. In a roundabout way it's kind of the same position I applied for before so I know what I'm getting into and what to expect. My thoughts on this right now are to present myself as someone who understands the position, knows how to deal with different kinds of of customers (so to speak) and proactively learns more about the platforms to be used. [This last one served me quite well at the Previous Day Job.]

I'm very curious to see where this all goes!

Coming upon two months' out of work, and I'm still getting used to it. My level of slacking off feels a bit higher than I'd like it to be, but that's easily remedied. As long as I remain active in my job searches! I've been approaching that with a bit of creativity and discernment; it's one thing to answer the question 'why do you want to work here' with my head thinking "Because I'm desperate and I have a fuckton of debt" and another to actually be honest and say "because this sounds right up my alley and I'd be a good fit". A has done a bit of math this morning and while our income has dipped a bit, thankfully it's not major. Just enough to remind me that I don't have to go into this search already feeling stressed and anxious. [I totally understand the privilege that comes with that statement, of course. After thirty-plus years of saying the former, I'm incredibly lucky I have the ability to say the latter.]

I need to get back to my writing, though. I think I've cleared my head enough of that process as well to be able to approach it with a calm mind and a clearer path. In fact it kind of feels similar to when I first started The Phoenix Effect back in '97, when I trunked everything and started fresh. As of today I have no outstanding projects. A few possible future ideas, but that's it. Back then I'd done it out of freedom, to disconnect myself from so many unfinished and dead-end ideas. Now, I basically did it to take some time off and recharge. I mean, completely rewriting and revising a hard sf trilogy and writing three new novels in the span of five years is a LOT of work. I don't think I was mentally exhausted, to be honest...I think it was more that I'd started feeling the strain of pushing myself to maintain that level of output, and when that happens, writing becomes less about creativity and more about productivity and that ain't a good thing for me.

Still...I have an idea or two I'd like to play with, so I'll start in on one of them soon and see where they take me!

When I started 2020, I didn't think that I'd be spending the entire month of April without a job, spending my days completely recalibrating my ways of life, undoing years of job-related stress, rethinking my career path, and readjusting to my own personal levels of normalcy. [And working on my writing, of course.]  I did have a feeling I'd be leaving the Former Day Job at some point this year, but definitely not in the way it ended up happening.

Now that the month is over, it's time for me to start moving forward. I've been itching to move for the last few weeks, to be honest. I don't have a detailed step-by-step plan, but I know which direction I want to go in, and in the way I live and work, that's really all I need. As long as I have a strong focus on the goals, I can manage my way there in my own often convoluted-but-makes-sense-to-me way. Starting tomorrow I'm back to job searching and resume sending. It's a good thing I got some practice on this last autumn, so I know what to expect. The fact that I don't have the added stress of dealing with the Former Day Job at the same time will definitely make things easier for me.

I'm well aware that this pandemic may mean that I might not get hired immediately, but we've already accepted that and made the adjustments necessary. I'll find something soon enough.

In hindsight, I'm really glad that I always maintained a specific distance from my Former Day Job. It wasn't the people I worked with, really...it was just that I knew almost from the start that it wasn't a job that I was going to feel any long-lasting dedication towards. (As I've said before, I stayed for as long as I did mainly out of financial comfort. It was a paycheck, that's all.)  When I left, I really didn't feel any sense of remorse or sadness, and I certainly don't think this is a job where I'll have dreams about it, unlike some of my past jobs. And I didn't feel a strong disconnect, either. I got along with my coworkers, but that's all they were. I'm in touch with a very few on LinkedIn, that's all. I don't really feel any sense of loss or emptiness, it just feels like a part of my past that's finally over.

I've spent most of this month just...figuring things out, really. And doing a lot of errands. I put my blogs and the daily words on hiatus, and I even stopped journaling every day. The Enforced Habits (those set up on purpose so I can maintain a moderate level of productivity) were all put by the wayside. I had nothing I wanted to say, really, because I just wanted to stop saying the same things over and over. The only writing I've stayed close to is working on Diwa & Kaffi. The other Possible Next Projects are still there simmering in my brain, but I'm not thinking or working on them at the moment.

Starting soon enough, I'll be doing a bit of creative research online to find my Next Day Job. I'm still not sure what that will be, but I know for sure it's not going to be much like the Former Day Job. Not if I can help it.

It took me two hours to get home last night.  TWO. FUCKING. HOURS. It usually takes me on average about one hour and change, but Thursday's traffic included a twenty-minute backup at the Bay Bridge tolls (thanks to solo idiots in the carpool lane trying to squeeze into the cash line at the last second) (noted: East Bay drivers are all either insane or idiots, but that's another gripe entirely), backup in downtown SF, an idiot Uber driver stopping in an open lane, and the best one: a fire truck double-parking to take care of a sick person on the sidewalk, and the bus next to me cutting me off and THEN stopping in the second lane to let off/on passengers. Not to mention me almost hitting a pedestrian in the crosswalk because oncoming traffic causing glare.

Don't get me wrong -- I feel for all of you commuters out there who have to contend with this on a daily basis, and for a longer distance. I'm lucky that my trip is only about 30 miles and relatively smooth sailing (aside from the Ninth Circle of Hell that is the McArthur Maze. Whoever planned that abomination needs to be flayed.) My anger is not towards the commute itself: my anger is firmly directed at Upper Management at my Day Job who are putting me through this completely unnecessary bullshit Because Teamwork! and all those other horseshit excuses they keep giving me.


Sad News: I did not get that Possible Job Opening I so dearly wished for. You guessed it: "we went with someone with more experience."
Not So Sad News: The business was so impressed with my interviews that they were convinced I'd otherwise be a really good fit there, and highly suggested I try out for other positions there.

I'm still a bit annoyed that I didn't get the job (again: how the hell do I get experience when it's so goddamn hard to break in and get it in the first place?), but on the plus side, that was a really unexpected personal rejection call and I'm touched they did that. I've been impressed with the business so far that yes, I will most definitely try out for other positions there. I don't think I've ever worked anywhere that ever did that.

It's like getting a personal rejection letter from an editor or agent that took the time to say they'd like to work with me in the future. I've never gotten that before.



In other news, I hate that I'm so freaking EXHAUSTED by the time Friday rolls around. I really don't want to end up wasting all my evening hours doing nothing when that's the only time that I can truly dedicate time for my writing.

Bleh. Hope everyone has a good (and less tiring) weekend!

So the first week of returning to the office for the Day Job has been the complete shambles we all expected it to be. So far:

--My assigned cubicle is nowhere near my team due to overcrowding so I'm all by myself, in a hallway that gets constant foot traffic. It's just like working from home only I don't have my home PC next to me playing music. Oh, and I'm sitting right next to a wall that has a constant hum from the HVAC system. One of my teammates who was assigned the cubicle next to me refuses to sit there because it's even louder there.
--My cubicle was completely empty and not set up on Monday. I finally got my monitors later in the day but no laptop dock. And the first dock they did give me was faulty.
--We were told to bring in the bank-assigned phones we'd been using at home, only to find out they weren't set up. After much delay the tech team emailed me inquiring about a ticket that had been opened, asking what was wrong with the phone. And then proceeded to be told by the person who opened the ticket that I needed to email the info to the tech team.  Suffice it to say, I kind of went off on them (in the nicest way possible, of course) until the in-building tech boffin stopped by and actually fixed the damn thing.
--Apparently management had ordered us nice chairs ahead of time...and as expected, they were yoinked by other people in the building before we even came back. So now they're ordering more.
--I've been told that I can work from home one day a week but I REALLY need to keep an eye on my VPN usage to the point that perhaps I should turn it off for lunch and breaks, because I'll get yelled at for going over the usage limit.
--No one, and I mean NO ONE, on my team is happy. We are all absolutely miserable that they've pulled this shit. One manager (the one on the other coast who's not affected by this idea at all) is doing the 'we're here for teamwork!' cheer and we are all sick of hearing it. Another manager is putting on a brave face and trying to keep people calm. And a third manager is NOT happy at all but can't really do anything about it. The atmosphere is not exactly tense because we all get along really well, but we're definitely not a happy group.
--I don't exactly hate the commute, as all the crappy traffic is going the opposite way both morning and evening. I do enjoy driving, even despite the idiocy of the occasional other driver.  What I do hate is that I'll be spending roughly about $100 a week on the commute: $7 toll every night (x5 = $35) and I've filled half the tank twice this week at around $25 (x2 = $50). I'm not complaining that I have to pay this per se; it's that I have to pay this when there is really no fucking reason for me to do it.

And it's only been the first week.

So yeah. No one's happy there. Everyone thinks this is a really fucking stupid idea that some old coot in Upper Management came up with. The immediate upper management "feels our pain" and "hopes it gets better" and "looks forward to seeing everyone in the office when we come for our visit next year" and blah de blah de blah blah. I would not be the least bit surprised if more people end up jumping ship.

It's a fucking clown show, I tell you.

I've been informed that I will be having an in-person interview for Potential Job Opening on Thursday afternoon! This is the one I'm really hoping I'll get but saying very little about until I know I have it for sure. Heh. I will say this is the furthest I've gotten so far in the job search game recently, so I'm quite happy about that. If all goes to plan....well, we shall see, shan't we?  :D

As for Current Day Job, the Return To Office (Lack Of) Plan is still ongoing, and it's been one embarrassment after another. Not towards me, mind you -- this is Upper Management's Brilliant Idea and my immediate managers are supposed to find a way to make it work. Considering the office is already crowded to full capacity already, me and one other person have been assigned a desk way out in the back of the beyond, away from the rest of the team, in a major hallway. I should *hopefully* be up and running come Monday, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm not going to complain if nothing works, because it's Not My Problem to begin with.

ANYWAY. Things are coming to a head very quickly and I'm actually kind of surprised I'm not as anxious as I thought I'd be. A bit nervous about whether I'll get the PJO or not, sure...but plans are in motion and things are looking pretty good otherwise.

The first interview on Friday went quite smoothly and although I have no idea if I aced it, we got along quite nicely and there were positive things said on both sides, so we shall see.  The second interview, however, took an interesting and very unexpected turn. Without going into too much detail, let's just say that I was offered a position different from the one I'd initially signed on for, and one that VERY much fits me to a T. So much so that I'm finding it hard not to think of it as reminiscent of my old job at the Emerson College Library. Suffice it to say I'm intrigued by this offer and would like to know more, thank you very much.

I'll be having another talk with the recruiter tomorrow about this position, what it entails and all that, so we shall see where this goes...

I'm still holding my cards VERY close to my chest on all this at the moment, but I've got as many of the moving parts in this job search right where I want them and I'm keeping my stress levels as calm as they can be. I'm hoping this all turns out very positively, but I'm not going to say either way until everything is set in stone.

Although I will say that this potential position could in fact work positively for me in multiple ways, so... ;-)

Okay then. *cracks knuckles* *rolls up sleeves* Time to ramp it all up.

I'd told a friend the other day that one of the main goals for this past vacation was to purge as much stress and worry from my mind and body so I could move forward with a clear mind. My goal to switch jobs before the Must Come To The Office deadline of 11/4 still stands. My goal to give my two weeks on or before 10/14 still stands. And my goal to apply to numerous jobs EVERY DAY UNTIL THEN still stands.

I've had a number of phone interviews (I have another one tomorrow morning) and I've had a few responses already, so it's all going in the right direction. For the most part they've been going well. My only concern is how so many of them are asking why I'm quitting a bank job I've had for years, followed by asking why I'd want to be an Office Manager or an Admin Assistant instead. I think I've narrowed a decent answer down, essentially saying that a) there's no further movement for me there, and b) I want a change of career that better fits my strengths. The trick is to sell all this without sounding like I'm flailing or fumbling my way through it.

Stressed? Yeah, just a little bit. But I'm committed to this and I'm not going to give up easily.