Drunken Owls and Other Delights

So as mentioned earlier and on Twitter, I've been making a royal embarrassment out of myself and not living up to my roots as I attempt to relearn French via Rosetta Stone. I'm sort of relearning it, but what it also seems to be doing is frustrating the hell out of me on two personal fronts.

One is that it really brings out my speech issues. I hesitate to call them a problem or even an issue, because I know it's not a disability. It's a quirk, if anything. Those who have actually heard me talk know that I sometimes have odd gaps in my sentences, or I know what I'm trying to say and it's just that the wrong word is coming to me. It doesn't happen all the time, either. I guess it really depends on what I'm talking about and when. I'll riff to Emm about what I'm currently writing, or something about work, and I won't trip over words. Other times, especially when I need to think about what I'm saying, that's when I'll start tripping. And that's the issue right there--when I have to really think about what I want to say, that's when I'll slow up, think about the right word, let it out, and maybe change direction in the sentence midstream. I know it's normal for some to do that, that's why I don't think of it as a learning/development problem--it's just something that happens to people. My trip-ups just tend to be more pronounced sometimes.

The other is that it really explains why learning a foreign language is such hell for me. I have serious issues with thinking about what I want to say, translating that in my head, and then speaking it. This is also why I say that I can read, hear and understand French a hell of a lot better than I can speak it. I can definitely pick up on what is being said or have a good idea of what was meant, just don't expect me to spill it out quickly in the same manner. Maybe it's that I was originally taught Spanish in high school with simple vocabulary and verb conjugation, but never anything intensive enough to have it stick. I took 2 years of French in college and got so-so grades because I never quite picked up any other way to learn it.

So yeah...frustrating as hell, and I doubt I'm going to be able to speak without using the guidebooks. I'm sure I'll be using the "pardon..." and lapsing back into English.

This is annoying.

I'm distracting myself for some dumb reason, because I don't want to write. Why don't I want to write? I have no clue. Perhaps I'm worried that if I say hell with it and call it a night, I'm going to be doing that for the next two weeks and nothing will get done. And it'll just snowball from there.

Gods, I hate it when this happens.

Y'know, it's not as if I have writer's block or anything. Well, maybe I do to a small extent, but it's never bothered me before...I dunno...maybe it's just that I've just been frustrated at the world for the past few weeks, for reasons I won't go into right now.

Heh--which brings me to an interesting sidebar. Some friends ask me why I hardly ever drink alcohol. Well, the last few paragraphs is a good enough explanation, really. I'm just one of those people who, when I have a few drinks in me, my emotions/thoughts/actions just get amplified. So if I got drunk now, there's a good chance I'd be a sullen, morose bastard who wouldn't think twice about saying something that I know I'd regret later. In fact, there was a very brief time that I proved this point while living in Boston, and I'd rather not be in that position again. Wasn't pretty. So yeah--if I only have one drink at a bar then have soda the rest of the night, there's a good reason, and please don't try to pressure me into having more.

Whoo! Boy. Didn't mean to go off there just now. That wasn't aimed at anyone...just felt like venting.

Oookay then.

Maybe I should just log off, calm myself, and try this writing thing again... :D