jon_chaisson | [writing] From my heart and from my hands, why don't people understand my intentions?

I've been thinking lately about how a reader would digest my trilogy. By digest, I mean how they would understand it, process it, and what their reactions would be. What would be their take on it? Would they love it? Hate it? Be indifferent? Of course, a lot of writers think this at any given time. Some obsess over it, some dismiss it. You can't avoid it, but you probably shouldn't let it ruin you either.

I've also been thinking about how some manga artists and writers react to this as well. Every now and again if you pick up a tankobon (one of the bounded volumes), you'll often see the occasional afterword page often adorned with a silly self-portrait, with the artist/writer saying something to the effect of a humbled "thank you for buying the book/following this series!" and a promise to do the best they can ("Ganbatteimasu!") to keep you entertained with the story and hope you stay until the end.

I've been taking that to heart over the last few years--not the American "do your best" (i.e., aim for bestseller) (yes, I mean that with tongue firmly in cheek) but the Japanese "do your best" (i.e., aim for the best that you can possibly achieve). I don't want my book to be a bestseller or get all the awards. I want someone to read my book and say "wow, that was impressive." I want them to have the same reaction I have when I read a book or see a movie that moves me that much.

I'm curious as to what the reaction to my trilogy will be. If anything, I want to say it's Science Fiction, maybe with some Fantasy elements to it. It's not a typical adventure or quest, or a war against overlords, or a political thriller, or an allegory about the world we live in. If anything, it's an internal quest--it's a story about being given an ultimate goal and how tough it is to keep focused on it. It's a war of one's own being against outside influence. It's a spiritual thriller (not a religious one--and this isn't Christian fiction, in case you were wondering). It's an allegory about our inner worlds, our mind and heart. I often wonder if the reader will get all that. I'm doing my best to convey those things, without forcing it or making it too vague, and at the same time making sure it's not too fantastical.

When I first started trying out this whole writing thing, I of course thought the same as every other beginner--my stuff is awesome! It's got cool scenes! People are going to love it! We all know how that usually ends...! The second stage is usually 'okay, I know better now, this is more professional...people really will love it this time!'...which usually ends the same way. It's that third stage, the make-or-break, the "oh GOD my stuff sucks ass, who will even read this crap?", that really tests you. That's where you make the real decision to move ever forward, or give it up and become a register jockey at a shopping mall. Thankfully, I was stubborn and crazy enough to still enjoy this writing thing, and kept with it.

It's been thirty years since I thought of taking writing seriously, and twenty since that first initial "Vigil" idea that eventually came the trilogy. It's been a long haul with plenty of hard work, sweat, wrong turns, laughter, tears, annoyance, disappointment, half-assed attempts, trunked ideas, naivete, amusement, entertainment, and learning between then and now. It's not for the weak, I'll tell you that. But I'm doing my best, and I'm glad I am.