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(Translation using AltaVista's Babel Fish Translation, so hopefully the grammar is correct--it's been awhile since I translated French.)

Yet another handful of dreams over the past month in which I am either in a place that, in the dream, I worked at or lived in or frequented, but in reality does not exist...and this ongoing theme in my dreams has once again come up with a variation: creations I've made but never followed through with.

This morning's version was me going through a number of my old files from over the years, like I did when I first moved here. These were files that I hadn't looked at for some years, for one reason or another, but had now just found the time to do so. It had been a good length of time from the creation of the files to now, enough that I'd almost completely forgotten about them. Some of these files were printed and bound versions of some of my current WIPs (one was a version of the first book in the trilogy, complete with random written rewrite notes in the margins), some were infinished story ideas. But the most interesting of the finds was the artwork.

Those who have seen some of my actual real-life artwork know that I'm known for map drawing and thumbnail sketches, as well as random Murph sketches. I'm by no means the best artist (if anything, I'd say I'm a decent 'sketcher'), but I'm kind of happy with most of the drawings I've done.

In this dream, apparently I'd come up with a small handful of indie comic book ideas, most of which never got past a few pages. Apparently I'd never followed through with a lot of this artowrk, either because of loss of interest, lack of ideas, or other personal issues. There were about a half-dozen ideas in there, either test covers, character sheets, or first pages of stories. The artwork, interestingly enough, had extremely varying styles. Two of them in the dream stood out for me, though. There was one that was very Archie Comics-like, and another that was almost a complete rip-off of Terry Moore. And almost all of them were based on female characters. The Archie one was about a woman named Clare who was a college stuedent (and, come to think of it, most likely a contemporary of Murph) with a penchant for getting herself in Archie-like comedic situations. The Moore-like one was about a group of women friends (I'm sensing a theme here), this one with multiple interwoven storylines going on. This one was rather amusing because [livejournal.com profile] emmalyon's knitting habits seemed to have snuck in--the storyline I was working on dealt with knitting as some sort of friendship analogy and had the title of "Itchy Felting". Not quite sure where that title came from, but that was it.

The reaction to seeing the artwork in my dreams was interesting, in that I wasn't so much wondering why I didn't follow through (although it was there), as much as wondering if I was still that good, after not doing that sort of work for a number of years. I suppose I've had this same reaction upon reading some of the outtakes of writings I've done in real life, especially the stuff I was writing in the late nineties and onward. A lot of those writings were done during a time when I was either trying to find my own writing style, or just coming up with random ideas when I had no main project going. Some aren't that great, but some are actually worth expanding at some point.


Of course, now I'm thinking that this ongoing 'dream reality' theme in my sleep is great fodder for even more writing ideas. Some of these realities can definitely be used somewhere as a backdrop for some of my stories--in fact, I've definitely done so in the past. My Dreamweaver project was almost entirely set in places I saw in dreams. Of course, the idea of 'dream reality' itself lends to another storyline itself (the ever-famous 'which one is real?' theme) that I could use at some future point.
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Had a dream last night that I was visiting the old record store that I used to work at. Thing is, it wasn't the same store as the one that used to exist in real life. This store, actually, existed in previous dreams and looked vastly different. In fact, it was more of a music/book store that had a small enclosed area for kids' books with a little play area (this in fact may be from a real store or classroom that I can't find a real destination for).

It even had a section in a different part of the mall--at an entirely different mall than the one the real one was at, mind you--that was a smaller outlet. This part was rather interesting in that it reminded me of the job I had at the theater in Leominster, when it had a two-screen addition across the parking lot (Newbury Comics is there now). In the dream I'd stopped by and talked to a few coworkers, hiding the fact that I'd completely forgotten that outlet was there.

And today while I was ripping a few songs from [livejournal.com profile] lynxreign's collection, I hit upon a few songs that I hadn't heard for ages and for some reason equated them with this dream. We're talking songs from about 1996-97, my first year or so at that store, back when it had just opened and we were incredibly stocked with everything, back when working there was fun. The music only made the memory of this dream that much more vivid.


What is it about these dreams I've been having for the last few years, where I'm visualizing places that I apparently used to know way back in the day, which in fact didn't exist? Places like a city square that would be situated where the corner of Beacon and Arlington would be in Boston. A giant mall (with a megaplex in the center rather than as a mall anchor) that I should have remembered as a child and would probably have been situated in downtown Worcester. A version of the upstairs apartment at my old house, only situated on the first floor and in a different part of town. A cool basement apartment that I supposedly lived in with a real roommate I had from a 3rd floor apartment. A version of my freshman year dorm with a completely different layout. A diner/restaurant with tiered seating that should have been placed on the corner of Beacon and Mass Ave in Boston. A giant movie megaplex with so many different screens that I never actually get around to finding the theater I'm looking for. A version of the Media Center at the former Emerson College Library that had been refurbished. And my version of the record store that never existed.

Where did all these vivid false memories come from? Are they just weird iterations of memories, jumbled with fantasy of what I wished they'd been? Or made-up memories of places that no longer exist? Sometimes I wonder if it's just my memory wishing some places still existed--the freshman dorm, the Media Center, the record store--and a mixture of places I wish did exist and places that I wanted to escape from. These are all places I see so vividly that I wish I could at least go there and see them and see how close to the real thing they were, regardless as to their existence. I wish I could take them and incorporate them into a number of novels yet unwritten.

But all I can say is that everyone of these dreams have exactly the same ambience to them--loss. Loss of things changed that are out of my hands. Loss of things I remember fondly that I no longer have access to. Loss of things I wish I'd gotten but never had the chance to acquire. Loss of a time I can't go back to. All I can do is remember them fondly, or try to forget the pain that went with them.

Strangely, I feel that eventually my days at YC are going to creep in there as well. Every other job has...

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