Weekend Update Needs to Make Some Changes
Sep. 9th, 2018 03:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jon_chaissonStill focusing on a lot of personal things lately. Not complaining, just that it's keeping me busy. Let's just say that this latest thing I've been thinking about has somehow jumpstarted a few other things that I've put off for far too long. In particular I've been thinking about my current health status and what needs changing. I need to lose weight -- probably around 30-40 pounds, most of it in the stomach region. I need to take better care of my skin -- something I've had issues with for years. I need to be more active -- especially since both my Day Job and my career require that I sit on my ass for hours at a time.
So why now? When I've got other things on my mind, such as the Day Job situation and A getting laid off, among other things? Well, that's the thing. I let myself be stressed out and miserable for a day or so, just to get it out of my system. Then I turned it around: I was NOT going to be that mopey miserable bastard again. No fucking way.
This is my current outlook: it's time to take a serious look at myself. Confront the fears instead of running away from them. Face the truths instead of avoiding them. Question the things I've taken for granted. Take my life choices seriously. And most importantly: decide what I need to do for myself without the influence or input of others. Yeah, I know... this all sounds as pithy as a self-help section of the bookstore, but there's nowt wrong with that. Not this time. I've got a few things on my mind that I've been wanting to change up, and it's far past the time I looked into making that happen. Or barring that, coming to terms with why I don't need to make it happen.
Is this my own version of a midlife crisis? Who knows. I might be questioning what I've done with my life to date, but I'm not feeling regret. With my past, it was what it was. I've made my peace with those events. I'm not responding by trying to have a second childhood, that's for sure... that's not what I want, and it's certainly not what I need. This is me changing my life -- purging the things I don't need anymore and moving on. Making the necessary changes.
Which brings me back to weight and health. I'm kind of treating this the same way I treat my novel writing: a lot of moving parts that need equal focus time, in a specific order. So while I'm working on changing the inner me, I'm balancing it with adapting the changes of the outer me as well. All in, as they say.
Right now I have no idea if it will pan out, or if I'm just deluding myself, or if these are the changes I've so desperately needed for years now. Self-doubt can be a bitch, especially if that's what I've run on for most of my life. Even worse is outside influence, when I find myself so easily talked in or out of things -- that's been my worst enemy of all. To have an idea that would benefit me, only to have someone say 'come on, is that what you *really* want?' followed by me giving up... that is the one biggest weakness of mine that I've battled with for years. Sure, I could call myself a nonconformist all I want, but that doesn't mean anything if my instinct is to shrug and say 'maybe you're right'. I can't do that. Not anymore.
This has got to change.
Yeah, I know... heavy shit for a Sunday afternoon. :p
So why now? When I've got other things on my mind, such as the Day Job situation and A getting laid off, among other things? Well, that's the thing. I let myself be stressed out and miserable for a day or so, just to get it out of my system. Then I turned it around: I was NOT going to be that mopey miserable bastard again. No fucking way.
This is my current outlook: it's time to take a serious look at myself. Confront the fears instead of running away from them. Face the truths instead of avoiding them. Question the things I've taken for granted. Take my life choices seriously. And most importantly: decide what I need to do for myself without the influence or input of others. Yeah, I know... this all sounds as pithy as a self-help section of the bookstore, but there's nowt wrong with that. Not this time. I've got a few things on my mind that I've been wanting to change up, and it's far past the time I looked into making that happen. Or barring that, coming to terms with why I don't need to make it happen.
Is this my own version of a midlife crisis? Who knows. I might be questioning what I've done with my life to date, but I'm not feeling regret. With my past, it was what it was. I've made my peace with those events. I'm not responding by trying to have a second childhood, that's for sure... that's not what I want, and it's certainly not what I need. This is me changing my life -- purging the things I don't need anymore and moving on. Making the necessary changes.
Which brings me back to weight and health. I'm kind of treating this the same way I treat my novel writing: a lot of moving parts that need equal focus time, in a specific order. So while I'm working on changing the inner me, I'm balancing it with adapting the changes of the outer me as well. All in, as they say.
Right now I have no idea if it will pan out, or if I'm just deluding myself, or if these are the changes I've so desperately needed for years now. Self-doubt can be a bitch, especially if that's what I've run on for most of my life. Even worse is outside influence, when I find myself so easily talked in or out of things -- that's been my worst enemy of all. To have an idea that would benefit me, only to have someone say 'come on, is that what you *really* want?' followed by me giving up... that is the one biggest weakness of mine that I've battled with for years. Sure, I could call myself a nonconformist all I want, but that doesn't mean anything if my instinct is to shrug and say 'maybe you're right'. I can't do that. Not anymore.
This has got to change.
Yeah, I know... heavy shit for a Sunday afternoon. :p
Hope everyone has a good week ahead!
