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[Writing] Don't Be That Guy.
Feb. 16th, 2014 04:59 pmI've been deliberately avoiding reading most of the posts and whatnot going on with the latest SFWA controversies, mostly because I've got other things on my mind that I don't want to lose sight of...but don't get me wrong, these issues do prod at me whether I want them to or not. Long story short, there's a bit of noise coming from what seems to be the old-school men's club (and maybe some newer Bro's) basically demeaning what women have to bring to science fiction and fantasy. Or just about women in general. You know, the usual "what would they know about writing/sf/fantasy/[enter fan universe here]/etc.?" It's the He-Man Woman Hater's Club. It's Girls Have Cooties and are Dumb Doodyheads. It's playground taunting because it's funny to razz on the weaker kid. It's the perceived frustration of having your Secret Nerdy Cool Thing That Only Nerds Like being liked by the the cutest cheerleader and thus having it lessen in nerdy coolness because ONOES THE COOL KIDS LIKE IT NOW. It's not believing a woman would know nerdy genre trivia because, well, it's always been a Guy Thing. It's calling a woman silly and hypocritical when they say they're a feminist and yet like dressing up in period costume.
In essence, it's basically telling the woman "Yeah, whatever, this is a boys' club. Go back to your needlepoint or something." And the other boys sniggering and high-fiving that you just put the wifey in her place.
Maybe it's the situation I grew up in, maybe it's that I was keenly aware at an early age how people treat each other, for good or evil. Sure, even I said and did dumbass sexist things when I was a teenager in the 80s...but the important thing is that I grew out of it.
Point is, I see these guys saying and posting such dumbass things and it embarrasses me. Come on, grow the fuck up, I want to say. Don't be a douche. Don't be that asshat. And yet, as fully grown adults, we've still got these douches, these asshats who would rather be the snarky misanthrope, embracing their abrasiveness under the misunderstanding that others think it's funny. Would rather be the Purist who says only those with The One True Faith will ever enter the Kingdom of whatever fandom they're policing. Would rather be the jackass who still finds it funny when women squirm, and doesn't get it when he gets called on it.
I say all this, because I Just Don't Get It.
I grew up with three older sisters, and they and both my parents taught me not only how to read and write, but made sure I worked on it and enjoyed it. One of the first YA books that completely blew my mind was Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time. I found a lot of YA books with female charaters more entertaining than YA books with male characters, mainly because they were more character-based than action-based. Once I started rereading YA in recent years, I found myself leaning towards a lot of female authors. One of my favorite classic authors is Edith Wharton. I thought Doris Lessing's work was excellent. Some of my favorite genre books, especially the ones that inspired me to write in the genre, are by women: Kate Elliott, Holly Lisle, Melanie Rawn, the list goes on.
I don't say this because I go out of my way to find female authors I liked or to prove a point or anything, far from it. I read a hell of a lot of Stephen King as a kid. Douglas Coupland is another one of my all-time favorite authors. Richard Paul Russo's work was a big influence on my trilogy. Even that controversial writer, Orson Scott Card, was a big help, when I bought his How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy book--that's when I finally got how to write in genre.
When I go to Green Apple or Books Inc or wherever and peruse the shelves, I'm not going to deliberately look for male authors or female authors...I'm going to do one of two things, just as I always have: 1) I will pick up whatever catches my eye, either cover-wise or title-wise (yes, titles can be important!), and 2) if I pick up that book, I will read the first few pages to see if it's something I'm interested in. If the book passes both tests, chances are good I will either buy it, or write it down in my trusty backpocket pad, where I will contemplate buying it at a later time. The gender of the authors never come into play. I gravitate towards whatever moves me.
Maybe it's the situation I grew up in...that I just don't believe in Girl Cooties. If I'm going to judge someone, it'll be by their actions, not their gender.
Come on, guys. Grow the fuck up. Don't be That Guy. You're only ending up making yourself that asshat.
In essence, it's basically telling the woman "Yeah, whatever, this is a boys' club. Go back to your needlepoint or something." And the other boys sniggering and high-fiving that you just put the wifey in her place.
Maybe it's the situation I grew up in, maybe it's that I was keenly aware at an early age how people treat each other, for good or evil. Sure, even I said and did dumbass sexist things when I was a teenager in the 80s...but the important thing is that I grew out of it.
Point is, I see these guys saying and posting such dumbass things and it embarrasses me. Come on, grow the fuck up, I want to say. Don't be a douche. Don't be that asshat. And yet, as fully grown adults, we've still got these douches, these asshats who would rather be the snarky misanthrope, embracing their abrasiveness under the misunderstanding that others think it's funny. Would rather be the Purist who says only those with The One True Faith will ever enter the Kingdom of whatever fandom they're policing. Would rather be the jackass who still finds it funny when women squirm, and doesn't get it when he gets called on it.
I say all this, because I Just Don't Get It.
I grew up with three older sisters, and they and both my parents taught me not only how to read and write, but made sure I worked on it and enjoyed it. One of the first YA books that completely blew my mind was Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time. I found a lot of YA books with female charaters more entertaining than YA books with male characters, mainly because they were more character-based than action-based. Once I started rereading YA in recent years, I found myself leaning towards a lot of female authors. One of my favorite classic authors is Edith Wharton. I thought Doris Lessing's work was excellent. Some of my favorite genre books, especially the ones that inspired me to write in the genre, are by women: Kate Elliott, Holly Lisle, Melanie Rawn, the list goes on.
I don't say this because I go out of my way to find female authors I liked or to prove a point or anything, far from it. I read a hell of a lot of Stephen King as a kid. Douglas Coupland is another one of my all-time favorite authors. Richard Paul Russo's work was a big influence on my trilogy. Even that controversial writer, Orson Scott Card, was a big help, when I bought his How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy book--that's when I finally got how to write in genre.
When I go to Green Apple or Books Inc or wherever and peruse the shelves, I'm not going to deliberately look for male authors or female authors...I'm going to do one of two things, just as I always have: 1) I will pick up whatever catches my eye, either cover-wise or title-wise (yes, titles can be important!), and 2) if I pick up that book, I will read the first few pages to see if it's something I'm interested in. If the book passes both tests, chances are good I will either buy it, or write it down in my trusty backpocket pad, where I will contemplate buying it at a later time. The gender of the authors never come into play. I gravitate towards whatever moves me.
Maybe it's the situation I grew up in...that I just don't believe in Girl Cooties. If I'm going to judge someone, it'll be by their actions, not their gender.
Come on, guys. Grow the fuck up. Don't be That Guy. You're only ending up making yourself that asshat.
