[writing] On the Threshold of a Dream
Jul. 19th, 2010 01:35 pmInteresting that all of this came about when I tried my hand at a different writing style with my poetry. That came about when I realized why I wasn't writing the poetry I used to write in abundance when I was a teenager. Well, I'd come to the conclusion quite some time ago that most of that early stuff (and up to about 1996 or so) was more diary/stream of consciousness/method of release type of writing than anything else, so therefore there was a lot of emotion and experimentation, but not really much underneath.
Then there was my prologue rewrite of A Division of Souls that I posted the other day. That was an extension of that experiment, of going that one level deeper with my writing that seems to have been missing all this time.
I never thought of my current writing as utterly craptastic and unsellable--more like I was happy with it so far, but there had to be more to it that I wasn't quite grasping yet. As
dancinghorse suggested in critting the beginning of Love Like Blood, I was phoning it in, and readers don't like that. I'd have to push even more if I'd make a name for myself in print.
After writing that refurbished prologue, it dawned on me that I felt like I hit that line between truly writing only for myself and actually writing for an audience. In the past I either wouldn't think about it and just write the damn thing, or I'd fall into the selfish "they'll understand how I work eventually" mode of thinking. Now I'm at the point where the latter isn't going to cut it unless I purposely plan on being some hip alternative writer, trying to emulate someone else's style and languishing in obscurity. And that isn't going to cut it, not unless I plan to continue writing for the fun of it and not advancing my career as a writer. I can be (and am) adequate at a lot of different things, but my worst fear and realization is that that is the problem--I'm merely adequate. That's not going to work if I want to be published.
And yes, I still view my day job as a "job" and my writing as a "career". I think if I'm going to get anywhere with my writing, that is the most important viewpoint to keep in mind. As with every career, no matter what it is, unless I plan to live my life doing a day job for the money and spending the rest of my off-time life in recreation, I have--no, I must--go that extra step and excel at what I really truly love doing.
In rewriting that prologue, it dawned on me that if I'm planning on continuing this for the long haul, it's going to take a hell of a lot of time. The Eden Cycle trilogy is three books of 130k to 150k words each--ready for editing and revision, and at least a couple more years' worth of work. Love Like Blood is significantly shorter and in a different non-fantasy (read: longwinded! ;) ) style, and that one should take less than a year to complete, but the fact remains that this step is a pretty damn BIG one, and I'd better be prepared for it.
Am I willing to do this? Am I willing to donate my blood, sweat and tears and give up my free time by taking this step? Do I want to dedicate the rest of my life to this endeavor? Will I still enjoy it a few decades down the line? Deal with rejections and critiques, writer's block and sucktastic prose in order to end up with a finely polished body of work that I'm proud of? Do I take thee to be my lawfully wedded career, to write and to read, till death to us part?
I've been thinking seriously about this for the last few weeks. I haven't even talked to
emmalyon about it--this is something that I had to think about completely on my own. I weighed the pros and cons, the what-ifs, the contingency plans, the sideline projects, everything. And after all that, it came down to one question: Am I willing to be this dedicated?
And after all that, the answer is still a resounding YES.
Then there was my prologue rewrite of A Division of Souls that I posted the other day. That was an extension of that experiment, of going that one level deeper with my writing that seems to have been missing all this time.
I never thought of my current writing as utterly craptastic and unsellable--more like I was happy with it so far, but there had to be more to it that I wasn't quite grasping yet. As
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After writing that refurbished prologue, it dawned on me that I felt like I hit that line between truly writing only for myself and actually writing for an audience. In the past I either wouldn't think about it and just write the damn thing, or I'd fall into the selfish "they'll understand how I work eventually" mode of thinking. Now I'm at the point where the latter isn't going to cut it unless I purposely plan on being some hip alternative writer, trying to emulate someone else's style and languishing in obscurity. And that isn't going to cut it, not unless I plan to continue writing for the fun of it and not advancing my career as a writer. I can be (and am) adequate at a lot of different things, but my worst fear and realization is that that is the problem--I'm merely adequate. That's not going to work if I want to be published.
And yes, I still view my day job as a "job" and my writing as a "career". I think if I'm going to get anywhere with my writing, that is the most important viewpoint to keep in mind. As with every career, no matter what it is, unless I plan to live my life doing a day job for the money and spending the rest of my off-time life in recreation, I have--no, I must--go that extra step and excel at what I really truly love doing.
In rewriting that prologue, it dawned on me that if I'm planning on continuing this for the long haul, it's going to take a hell of a lot of time. The Eden Cycle trilogy is three books of 130k to 150k words each--ready for editing and revision, and at least a couple more years' worth of work. Love Like Blood is significantly shorter and in a different non-fantasy (read: longwinded! ;) ) style, and that one should take less than a year to complete, but the fact remains that this step is a pretty damn BIG one, and I'd better be prepared for it.
Am I willing to do this? Am I willing to donate my blood, sweat and tears and give up my free time by taking this step? Do I want to dedicate the rest of my life to this endeavor? Will I still enjoy it a few decades down the line? Deal with rejections and critiques, writer's block and sucktastic prose in order to end up with a finely polished body of work that I'm proud of? Do I take thee to be my lawfully wedded career, to write and to read, till death to us part?
I've been thinking seriously about this for the last few weeks. I haven't even talked to
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And after all that, the answer is still a resounding YES.