jon_chaisson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jon_chaisson) wrote2005-03-20 06:05 pm
jon_chaisson) wrote2005-03-20 06:05 pm
Entry tags:
Stuck somewhere in an alternate world...
Had a dream last night that I was visiting the old record store that I used to work at. Thing is, it wasn't the same store as the one that used to exist in real life. This store, actually, existed in previous dreams and looked vastly different. In fact, it was more of a music/book store that had a small enclosed area for kids' books with a little play area (this in fact may be from a real store or classroom that I can't find a real destination for).
It even had a section in a different part of the mall--at an entirely different mall than the one the real one was at, mind you--that was a smaller outlet. This part was rather interesting in that it reminded me of the job I had at the theater in Leominster, when it had a two-screen addition across the parking lot (Newbury Comics is there now). In the dream I'd stopped by and talked to a few coworkers, hiding the fact that I'd completely forgotten that outlet was there.
And today while I was ripping a few songs from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lynxreign's collection, I hit upon a few songs that I hadn't heard for ages and for some reason equated them with this dream. We're talking songs from about 1996-97, my first year or so at that store, back when it had just opened and we were incredibly stocked with everything, back when working there was fun. The music only made the memory of this dream that much more vivid.
What is it about these dreams I've been having for the last few years, where I'm visualizing places that I apparently used to know way back in the day, which in fact didn't exist? Places like a city square that would be situated where the corner of Beacon and Arlington would be in Boston. A giant mall (with a megaplex in the center rather than as a mall anchor) that I should have remembered as a child and would probably have been situated in downtown Worcester. A version of the upstairs apartment at my old house, only situated on the first floor and in a different part of town. A cool basement apartment that I supposedly lived in with a real roommate I had from a 3rd floor apartment. A version of my freshman year dorm with a completely different layout. A diner/restaurant with tiered seating that should have been placed on the corner of Beacon and Mass Ave in Boston. A giant movie megaplex with so many different screens that I never actually get around to finding the theater I'm looking for. A version of the Media Center at the former Emerson College Library that had been refurbished. And my version of the record store that never existed.
Where did all these vivid false memories come from? Are they just weird iterations of memories, jumbled with fantasy of what I wished they'd been? Or made-up memories of places that no longer exist? Sometimes I wonder if it's just my memory wishing some places still existed--the freshman dorm, the Media Center, the record store--and a mixture of places I wish did exist and places that I wanted to escape from. These are all places I see so vividly that I wish I could at least go there and see them and see how close to the real thing they were, regardless as to their existence. I wish I could take them and incorporate them into a number of novels yet unwritten.
But all I can say is that everyone of these dreams have exactly the same ambience to them--loss. Loss of things changed that are out of my hands. Loss of things I remember fondly that I no longer have access to. Loss of things I wish I'd gotten but never had the chance to acquire. Loss of a time I can't go back to. All I can do is remember them fondly, or try to forget the pain that went with them.
Strangely, I feel that eventually my days at YC are going to creep in there as well. Every other job has...
It even had a section in a different part of the mall--at an entirely different mall than the one the real one was at, mind you--that was a smaller outlet. This part was rather interesting in that it reminded me of the job I had at the theater in Leominster, when it had a two-screen addition across the parking lot (Newbury Comics is there now). In the dream I'd stopped by and talked to a few coworkers, hiding the fact that I'd completely forgotten that outlet was there.
And today while I was ripping a few songs from
lynxreign's collection, I hit upon a few songs that I hadn't heard for ages and for some reason equated them with this dream. We're talking songs from about 1996-97, my first year or so at that store, back when it had just opened and we were incredibly stocked with everything, back when working there was fun. The music only made the memory of this dream that much more vivid.What is it about these dreams I've been having for the last few years, where I'm visualizing places that I apparently used to know way back in the day, which in fact didn't exist? Places like a city square that would be situated where the corner of Beacon and Arlington would be in Boston. A giant mall (with a megaplex in the center rather than as a mall anchor) that I should have remembered as a child and would probably have been situated in downtown Worcester. A version of the upstairs apartment at my old house, only situated on the first floor and in a different part of town. A cool basement apartment that I supposedly lived in with a real roommate I had from a 3rd floor apartment. A version of my freshman year dorm with a completely different layout. A diner/restaurant with tiered seating that should have been placed on the corner of Beacon and Mass Ave in Boston. A giant movie megaplex with so many different screens that I never actually get around to finding the theater I'm looking for. A version of the Media Center at the former Emerson College Library that had been refurbished. And my version of the record store that never existed.
Where did all these vivid false memories come from? Are they just weird iterations of memories, jumbled with fantasy of what I wished they'd been? Or made-up memories of places that no longer exist? Sometimes I wonder if it's just my memory wishing some places still existed--the freshman dorm, the Media Center, the record store--and a mixture of places I wish did exist and places that I wanted to escape from. These are all places I see so vividly that I wish I could at least go there and see them and see how close to the real thing they were, regardless as to their existence. I wish I could take them and incorporate them into a number of novels yet unwritten.
But all I can say is that everyone of these dreams have exactly the same ambience to them--loss. Loss of things changed that are out of my hands. Loss of things I remember fondly that I no longer have access to. Loss of things I wish I'd gotten but never had the chance to acquire. Loss of a time I can't go back to. All I can do is remember them fondly, or try to forget the pain that went with them.
Strangely, I feel that eventually my days at YC are going to creep in there as well. Every other job has...
no subject
no subject
Because she's a wicked bitch who is messing with your head?
No, wait, that's *my* subconscious. And my conscious, for that matter.
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Seriously, tho' - perhaps you attach a great deal of importance to places (as we all do, some more than others) and this is a way that your subconscious gives you a little nudge. You have launched yourself into a whole new situation and you are just going over your personal checklist of all of the old places...perhaps to do some comparisons.
I don't know what the pain is about, but perhaps you could embrace the memories as a part of your life's experience? That's what I try to do...sigh.
no subject
That seems a very Vonnegut interpretations to me....