jon_chaisson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jon_chaisson) wrote2020-07-09 10:49 am
jon_chaisson) wrote2020-07-09 10:49 am
Entry tags:
Vertigo
"Breaking down the walls." I know, it's such a tired phrase, isn't it? it's such an overused metaphor for working past personal, mental and emotional issues. It does its job, though lately I've been using "barriers" instead, because a lot of mine were built all on my own over the years. Thing is, I've been so used to using that imagery to deal with it all that I almost didn't notice until recently that it no longer applied. I mean, I've been working on 'breaking down the barriers' for a few years now. And I've suddenly realized that those barriers are no longer there.
So why do I still feel tension and anxiety? Well, the answer came to me last night: it's not the fear of facing any last remaining walls or barriers anymore, self-built or otherwise.
It's a feeling of vertigo from seeing everything open wide ahead of me now, with a pinch of lingering sorrow from wanting/needing to fully let go of the past once and for all.
It's up to me to take that next step into the wider world again.
So why do I still feel tension and anxiety? Well, the answer came to me last night: it's not the fear of facing any last remaining walls or barriers anymore, self-built or otherwise.
It's a feeling of vertigo from seeing everything open wide ahead of me now, with a pinch of lingering sorrow from wanting/needing to fully let go of the past once and for all.
It's up to me to take that next step into the wider world again.
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🎵 Joshua fought the battle of vertigo, vertigo, vertigo... 🎵