jon_chaisson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jon_chaisson) wrote2012-09-30 07:31 pm
jon_chaisson) wrote2012-09-30 07:31 pm
Entry tags:
Weekend II--Writing Edition
As promised, the writing post!
Lots of thinks about what's going on with A Division of Souls as of late, pretty much along with my writing in general. Lots of I really need to make a serious decision here thinks, to put it bluntly.
It's kind of hard to put into words, but I'll do my best.
As I'd mentioned in the previous post (and in many tweets), I've been doing some seriously heavy revision on the novel, specifically with the last few chapters. As in deleting passages, revising others, and completely rewriting still more. Although I'm deeply proud of this trilogy, I'm also deeply frustrated that it's nowhere near as professional as it could be. The emotions feel flat; the action feels forced. The prose feels thin--or as I like to say, it's all surface and not much underneath. Over the last few months I've been digging through the prologue and the last five chapters, and they sound a hell of a lot better than they did when I first wrote them in the late 90s, and even better than the rewrite I did in 1999-2001. But it's still not there. That's the thing--for the five or so years, I've felt that I'm "almost there...but not quite." I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that held me back, but I knew my writing was stuck at some middle level and wasn't moving any further.
It wasn't until recently, probably in the last month, that I finally got it, or at least understood what I was doing wrong. Thanks to a lot of help from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dancinghorse's critiques, a lot of chat with emmalyon, and a lot of paying attention to what I was reading, I think I finally figured out what it was that was missing.
Or more to the point, I figured out the self-made walls I'd put up that held me back. I've already torn down the "but I shouldn't have to change it, it's great how it is!" wall LONG ago. I've also torn down the "I don't want to change it, I might lose the story idea I had!" wall and the "it's good enough" wall. The "I will always suck" wall never quite goes away, but it's low enough that I can just jump over it without a problem.
The main wall left? It doesn't have a funny description as the above. It's called the "professional-grade" wall. It's that moment where you understand the blood, sweat and tears that need to go into the prose and the plot and everything else. It's not a game, making shit up as you go along. It's where you realize that you can't just use fluffy, neat-sounding words willy-nilly to tell the story. It's where you use craft. And most importantly? IT CANNOT BE HALF-ASSED. As Judy said to me, readers can tell when you're phoning it in.
It's hard work, and it's definitely been pushing all my "don't wanna" buttons to the point that I want to do anything else but work on it. This is why I find myself goofing off online, checking my Twitter feed, watching stupid YouTube videos, playing with my music collection...anything except what I SHOULD be doing. But I've been slogging through it, giving myself fifteen minutes to play before I close all my browsers and get work done.
Because that's what I have to do. I've said it to my friends and family, and to everyone else: my current job is just my money-paying job to pay the rent and buy music. My writing is my career.
Let's emphasize that: My writing is my career.
If I'm going to say that to people and try to make myself believe it, then I'd better fucking follow through.
That said...
This is not a personal crisis, more like a revelation. Not a "sing Hallelujah" revelation, but more like a weight lifted. Now that I understand what my issues are and how I need to fix them, I'm no longer dwelling in self-pity and frustration. Well, at least not the "I suck" frustration, at any rate. The "GAH I need to fix this crap" frustration will always be there.
The last time I felt this was back in 2002, when I was writing the sequel to ADoS, The Persistence of Memories. For the longest time I misunderstood that excitement of writing as having plenty of time to do it and enjoying my schedule at the time. That was part of it, but not the entirety. When I reread TPoM, I can tell things started clicking then. The prose isn't the best, but it's a damn sight better than a lot of other work I've done before or since. For various reasons I lost sight of that, which I won't go into. Point being, I got it then, and I get it again now, and it's great to be back again.
As said...I have a lot of thinks about how I'm going to proceed from here. A lot of good ideas, a lot of processes that I'd like to try that might help me hone my craft. There are a few weak spots I'd like to work on, and I think I might have a few ideas to strengthen them.
I like having these downed walls...makes the sky that much clearer. :)
Lots of thinks about what's going on with A Division of Souls as of late, pretty much along with my writing in general. Lots of I really need to make a serious decision here thinks, to put it bluntly.
It's kind of hard to put into words, but I'll do my best.
As I'd mentioned in the previous post (and in many tweets), I've been doing some seriously heavy revision on the novel, specifically with the last few chapters. As in deleting passages, revising others, and completely rewriting still more. Although I'm deeply proud of this trilogy, I'm also deeply frustrated that it's nowhere near as professional as it could be. The emotions feel flat; the action feels forced. The prose feels thin--or as I like to say, it's all surface and not much underneath. Over the last few months I've been digging through the prologue and the last five chapters, and they sound a hell of a lot better than they did when I first wrote them in the late 90s, and even better than the rewrite I did in 1999-2001. But it's still not there. That's the thing--for the five or so years, I've felt that I'm "almost there...but not quite." I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that held me back, but I knew my writing was stuck at some middle level and wasn't moving any further.
It wasn't until recently, probably in the last month, that I finally got it, or at least understood what I was doing wrong. Thanks to a lot of help from
dancinghorse's critiques, a lot of chat with emmalyon, and a lot of paying attention to what I was reading, I think I finally figured out what it was that was missing. Or more to the point, I figured out the self-made walls I'd put up that held me back. I've already torn down the "but I shouldn't have to change it, it's great how it is!" wall LONG ago. I've also torn down the "I don't want to change it, I might lose the story idea I had!" wall and the "it's good enough" wall. The "I will always suck" wall never quite goes away, but it's low enough that I can just jump over it without a problem.
The main wall left? It doesn't have a funny description as the above. It's called the "professional-grade" wall. It's that moment where you understand the blood, sweat and tears that need to go into the prose and the plot and everything else. It's not a game, making shit up as you go along. It's where you realize that you can't just use fluffy, neat-sounding words willy-nilly to tell the story. It's where you use craft. And most importantly? IT CANNOT BE HALF-ASSED. As Judy said to me, readers can tell when you're phoning it in.
It's hard work, and it's definitely been pushing all my "don't wanna" buttons to the point that I want to do anything else but work on it. This is why I find myself goofing off online, checking my Twitter feed, watching stupid YouTube videos, playing with my music collection...anything except what I SHOULD be doing. But I've been slogging through it, giving myself fifteen minutes to play before I close all my browsers and get work done.
Because that's what I have to do. I've said it to my friends and family, and to everyone else: my current job is just my money-paying job to pay the rent and buy music. My writing is my career.
Let's emphasize that: My writing is my career.
If I'm going to say that to people and try to make myself believe it, then I'd better fucking follow through.
That said...
This is not a personal crisis, more like a revelation. Not a "sing Hallelujah" revelation, but more like a weight lifted. Now that I understand what my issues are and how I need to fix them, I'm no longer dwelling in self-pity and frustration. Well, at least not the "I suck" frustration, at any rate. The "GAH I need to fix this crap" frustration will always be there.
The last time I felt this was back in 2002, when I was writing the sequel to ADoS, The Persistence of Memories. For the longest time I misunderstood that excitement of writing as having plenty of time to do it and enjoying my schedule at the time. That was part of it, but not the entirety. When I reread TPoM, I can tell things started clicking then. The prose isn't the best, but it's a damn sight better than a lot of other work I've done before or since. For various reasons I lost sight of that, which I won't go into. Point being, I got it then, and I get it again now, and it's great to be back again.
As said...I have a lot of thinks about how I'm going to proceed from here. A lot of good ideas, a lot of processes that I'd like to try that might help me hone my craft. There are a few weak spots I'd like to work on, and I think I might have a few ideas to strengthen them.
I like having these downed walls...makes the sky that much clearer. :)