Drunken Owls and Other Delights

Perhaps a change in the air

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 00:34:44 GMT

This always happens around this time of year. The season changes, the days get shorter, the day job gets busier, and a new cycle begins. A few things have been nagging in the back of my mind. Surprisingly it's not entirely about better time management at work! No, I've been pretty good about that these days. I'll still scroll the socials, but at least half my break time at work is about playing Squaredle. I play that game a little bit throughout the day just to keep it fun and light.

No, once again it's about creativity. I mean, I'm doing pretty good lately, working on Theadia and whatnot, but that hankering to do more when I have the outlets and the ability is finally returning. I'm going to assume that I've finally settled into the New Digs enough that I can allow myself to add to my creative workload. I'm still hesitant to do that at work as I don't have nearly enough time (or physical space) to do so, but on the other hand I've also decided that maybe I don't need to put so much daily work-related stress on myself every single shift. [This is mostly my own fault, having a terrible habit of approaching jobs as 'I'd better do it myself because no one else will/because I'll do it right the first time' and never shifting them to others.]

I've got a notebook and a journal (and a work search magazine) in my satchel that are slowly gathering dust from disuse, and a 750Words sign-in that hasn't been used in some time, so perhaps it's time to make that change once and for all. I've been thinking about a few ideas that I haven't really let myself expand on for quite some time, and it's been a LONG time since I've started something this new.

Curious to see where this goes...

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More Changes

Sun, 31 Jan 2021 23:08:20 GMT

Yes, I took an extra week off from blogging because I wanted to think a bit more about what I wanted to do with my writing. I've come to the decision that while I'll continue with the weekend update here on DW, I'm dropping the WordPress blogs down to once a week until further notice. This is primarily because I need to focus more on novel work and Day Job searching and planning. Just enough to keep the blogs consistently updated without me driving myself crazy digging for ideas. As for the novels, I've been averaging around 650-700 words a day, which is terribly low by my standards but at least I'm getting somewhere. I can get higher word count, but I'm not going to force it. It'll come eventually.

I also cleaned off the whiteboard again. Yes, I always flip-flop on that thing. It's helpful but it can also be a hindrance. It reminds me of what I need to work on, but it also stresses me out when it starts feeling like a strict deadline. So I'm going to try something different here: I have a clipboard hanging next to my whiteboard that hasn't been getting much love over the last few years, which will be used as a non-deadline Things To Do List. I already have my list of stretches and exercises here, so I can add a list of creative projects, errands and whatnot.

In other news, for some unknown reason I can no longer connect my Pixel phone to my PC to empty out the pictures (something I've been doing for years, moving them to the PC hard drive and backing them up on an external). It's weird because it's only my PC where this happens; it'll charge up the phone, but won't read it. My laptop can still read it no problem, so now when I move the pictures I need to move them there then transfer them to my PC through Dropbox. It's a pain in the butt but it's the only way I can think of doing it right now until I figure out why this doesn't work. My Dropbox is like 'what the hell are you doing' and the syncing doesn't know if it wants to spend a few hours or a few minutes screwing around.

[Which reminds me...I really need to get that non-working external over to the PC shop up on Geary to see if they can save what's on there. I don't worry about the music that's on it, but some of my personal stuff and my older pictures are on it.]

Other than that, not much else to report...we've been having weird winter weather as of late so we haven't been outside much lately, and A has been busy with Day Job stuff so it's been kind of unexciting here. I still need to work on nailing down a decent exercise/yoga regimen, but that shouldn't be too hard to do. And hopefully the weather won't misbehave too much in the coming months!

Hope everyone has a lovely week!

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Changes and Getting Caught Up

Thu, 14 Mar 2019 18:30:15 GMT

Things have been changing at the Day Job as of late. Good things in a way, and a long time coming, but at the same time it's kind of weird and maybe a little bit stress-inducing. See, I've been working on certain requests regarding checking since...oh, probably 2008? And I've been part of another check process since 2014. And within the span of a few short months, both of them have changed considerably.

For the older process, I'm still working on them and I've been told they're not entirely going away any time soon, so I've got a bit of stability there. The major change is in the communication with the print facility; it's essentially the same but via a completely different platform. For the other mor current process however, that is essentially going away completely within the next month or so. I'm of two minds about this: on the one hand I'm kind of bummed because it was a process that I dedicated a TON of time to over the years and am quite proud of (considering a lot of it was of my creation)... but at the same time I realize that giving this up will lessen my workload and stress levels considerably. And taken from a different angle: I'm torn between not having to deal with that stress anymore, and having to stress about whatever I'll be assigned to next (including possible phone coverage...which I am dreading).

In the meantime, these changes and lightening of loads have also given me time to get caught up with all the fiddly day-to-day things I'm still required to do. It feels great when I'm able to stop typing for a few minutes, exhale, and let my mind calm down for a few minutes.

Anyway, we'll take it as it comes. I'm keeping my options open.

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Weekend Update Turns and Faces the Strange

Sat, 29 Sep 2018 16:04:23 GMT

As everyone knows, the hardest part of trying to change oneself is maintaining consistency. Staying on that diet, maintaining that positive attitude, focusing on that career goal. You forget about your plans for a little while and revert to your old habits. You get frustrated by the obstacles in your way. You doubt yourself and wonder if you've made the right decision. You find yourself sliding back into those old comfort zones when you should be avoiding them. You don't see improvement right away and wonder if this change is even working or if you're doing it right.

It's been just shy of a month since I decided to take some major steps in changing myself on various levels -- I started all this on the first of this month -- and yeah, I still need to remind myself there's a long way to go. Change definitely does not happen overnight, and a lot of it will be damn hard work. All I have to my arsenal is determination (or more to the point, a stubborn refusal to give up so easily) and the hope that I can see all of this through.

Anyway...still soldiering on.

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend! :)

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Midweek Update Feels Impatient...

Wed, 19 Sep 2018 15:41:50 GMT

...but the only thing holding me back from doing anything about it is my own damn self, so at least I know who to blame. :)

After a hellish start at the Day Job on Monday (in which I was tempted to ragequit at least twice, ignored repeated pings from people and may have responded not entirely kindly to an internal email that pissed me off), I forced myself to calm down for the rest of the day. Not the best way to go about things. I chilled for the remainder of my shift and then took it out on the treadmill at the gym afterwards. And felt SO much better for it! Yesterday was infinitely better so I just told managers that I'm hiding in Do Not Disturb so I can Finally Get Shit Done. I'm only a day behind now, yay! *facepalm*

ANYHOO. Some more life choices coming up that I really shouldn't put off any longer. I say this because if I do continue to put it off, I'll either start second-guessing myself (which I HATE, because that's the number one way for me to kill my own dreams and goals), or worse, I'll just shrug and roll over and take it. And I realize I am SO DONE with doing the latter.

More on this at a later time, he says vaguely. ;)

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Out of Shape, Out of Sorts

Tue, 11 Sep 2018 15:05:07 GMT

Oof. Starting any exercise after avoiding it for years does indeed suck. I'm totally fine with walking all over San Francisco (or on a treadmill at the gym), so that's obviously not the area that needs focus. I'm doing a few small reps of crunches in the morning and my torso is like 'DUDE. The hell?'. So not only to I realize I need to work on the stomach, I need to work on my back as well. I slouch horribly when sitting, so I need to be more conscious about that. I've also been conscious about the fact that I tend to hunch when I walk as well, so that's being worked on.

A little at a time. Eventually I'll be back in fighting shape.

Another thing I've been all too conscious of that I'm trying to change: being too self-conscious. I keep a hell of a lot held back, either emotionally, mentally or physically. It's one of my worst instincts, really. I might be verbose online or on the page, but I find I'm my own worst editor when it comes to speaking and being out in public. I know I wasn't like this as a kid, and I've definitely had my moments of extroversion over the years, so I don't know why I end up being a shrinking violet in other situations. Or actually I think I do...but that reason is long gone, and since then I've been falling prey to habit. My experiment now is to get rid of that habit by doing the exact opposite. The only worst critic here is myself.

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Weekend Update Needs to Make Some Changes

Sun, 09 Sep 2018 22:10:08 GMT

Still focusing on a lot of personal things lately. Not complaining, just that it's keeping me busy. Let's just say that this latest thing I've been thinking about has somehow jumpstarted a few other things that I've put off for far too long. In particular I've been thinking about my current health status and what needs changing. I need to lose weight -- probably around 30-40 pounds, most of it in the stomach region. I need to take better care of my skin -- something I've had issues with for years. I need to be more active -- especially since both my Day Job and my career require that I sit on my ass for hours at a time.

So why now? When I've got other things on my mind, such as the Day Job situation and A getting laid off, among other things? Well, that's the thing. I let myself be stressed out and miserable for a day or so, just to get it out of my system. Then I turned it around: I was NOT going to be that mopey miserable bastard again. No fucking way.

This is my current outlook: it's time to take a serious look at myself. Confront the fears instead of running away from them. Face the truths instead of avoiding them. Question the things I've taken for granted. Take my life choices seriously. And most importantly: decide what I need to do for myself without the influence or input of others. Yeah, I know... this all sounds as pithy as a self-help section of the bookstore, but there's nowt wrong with that. Not this time. I've got a few things on my mind that I've been wanting to change up, and it's far past the time I looked into making that happen. Or barring that, coming to terms with why I don't need to make it happen.

Is this my own version of a midlife crisis? Who knows. I might be questioning what I've done with my life to date, but I'm not feeling regret. With my past, it was what it was. I've made my peace with those events. I'm not responding by trying to have a second childhood, that's for sure... that's not what I want, and it's certainly not what I need. This is me changing my life -- purging the things I don't need anymore and moving on. Making the necessary changes.

Which brings me back to weight and health. I'm kind of treating this the same way I treat my novel writing: a lot of moving parts that need equal focus time, in a specific order. So while I'm working on changing the inner me, I'm balancing it with adapting the changes of the outer me as well. All in, as they say.

Right now I have no idea if it will pan out, or if I'm just deluding myself, or if these are the changes I've so desperately needed for years now. Self-doubt can be a bitch, especially if that's what I've run on for most of my life. Even worse is outside influence, when I find myself so easily talked in or out of things -- that's been my worst enemy of all. To have an idea that would benefit me, only to have someone say 'come on, is that what you *really* want?' followed by me giving up... that is the one biggest weakness of mine that I've battled with for years. Sure, I could call myself a nonconformist all I want, but that doesn't mean anything if my instinct is to shrug and say 'maybe you're right'. I can't do that. Not anymore.

This has got to change.

Yeah, I know... heavy shit for a Sunday afternoon. :p

Hope everyone has a good week ahead!

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Mixing it up again

Fri, 20 Oct 2017 22:48:35 GMT

I really need to do something about my Twitter feed. It feels like lately it's been seeing the worst of me, and vice versa. This means two things:
I should probably do a rigorous cleaning of my follows, expand my mute list, and be a little more positive on there myself. Which led me to the idea I had earlier this morning: to try to go a month tweeting nothing but positive things. I don't mean just posting pithy inspirational tweets or retweeting cat pictures -- although there's nowt wrong with the latter, of course! But I'd like to be more actively positive, this way I'll get myself out of that reactionary rut I've found myself in.

I don't want to ragequit social media, for multiple reasons: I'd be losing touch with my friends, and I'd be losing a viable avenue for publicity of my books. Plus, it would feel like the jocks and the popular kids won and I'll be the nerd crawling back in his hole and feeling sorry for myself. I did that route as a teenager, I'm too old for that shit now.

ANYWAY. I'm curious to see if I can pull off this positivity thing. We shall see!

In other news, I've also been thinking about bulking up my whiteboard schedule again. It's fine now, but I think I need to push my boundaries once more. Assign myself little exercises to expand my knowledge and expertise. Drawing in a different style. Recording the little riffs I've come up with and writing songs around them. Get out of the 'safe' guitar chords and learn new, more complex ones. Post here more often! I know this is something I usually think about at the end of the year as my form of New Year's resolutions, but why not start now?

I'm curious to see where this will lead. Last time this happened, I came up with a few new novel ideas, one of which I'm close to finishing! :)

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