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My brain has been latching onto pithy mottos lately.  Not the poetic quotes you see in fancy italic fonts over some calm-inducing Shutterstock photo, but more like the Nike 'Just Do It' kind.  The two most recent have been 'back on the horse' and 'own it'.  I fear that my years as a banker have crept into my psyche, considering I always felt they were empty cheerleading in the past.

Anyhoo.  "Back on the horse".  That's relating to fighting my frustration at not having a productive writing day.  I get annoyed with myself for delaying and avoiding work I need to do.  Mind you, it's not as bad as it sounds; I get a few hundred words a day and let myself have days off now and again, as is normal.  It's that I know I can do better, if only I stopped fucking around on social media and YouTube.

"Own It".  Or "Just own it."  Or "Come on, just own it already."  Tying in with more personal things.  Coming back to parts of my personality that I'd held back or turned down for the sake of others.  Complaisant, as my word of the day calendar showed me (mocked at me?) just last week.  I made that my default when I was a kid, and even though it's disappeared for the most part, there are parts of me that still hold fast to it.  There's a difference between being a nice person among others and being an incomplete person to avoid any upset, and I'm speaking about the latter.  It's okay to be me for my own sake.  Owning it.

On a side note, I still have that card I picked up in the Mission some time ago:  "Somebody needs a nice hot cup of STFU."  That's just a personal reminder to shut my yap when I'm complaining about not doing stuff but doing nothing about it.

We're all a work in progress.  Whatever works to get us back on the horse, yeah?

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jon_chaisson

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